Epilogue: The Beginning

This is just yet a prologue for the next chapter of life.
Completing MMed meaning a new role, new job scope(s) & extended responsibilities.

Peeking into the next chapter already

You know how I am with commitment.
So taking this new step is... nerve-wracking.
The effect has not yet made itself known because, amidst the pandemic, this role perhaps is paused to concentrate on the worsening situation of Covid-19.

The past 6 months have been anything but a new learning experience- admin work, coaching/leader-role, clinical work, managing covid, thesis writing, data analysis and thesis defense and balancing a whole bunch of responsibilities, handling different kinds of stress and stress level and the list go on. However, it's probably just a teaser of what's coming in the next phase. Being here for the past 4 years was.... a sheltered life. And stepping out, I don't know what's waiting... only endless possibilities and vast scenery of anything and nothingness ahead.

There's so much to say and so many things running in my mind. The different chaos happening at the same time frustrates a lot of people at so many different levels and the different reactions as the result of this could be so mind-boggling that it didn't make sense and you wonder if we have learned anything at all entering 2nd year of the pandemic.

10 years ago, it didn't even cross my mind that we'll be at the stage where we are now. 10 years ago I was beaming with the hope that one day I will walk a pathway of becoming a medical officer and maybe working my way to becoming a specialist. In what, I didn't know yet back then- maybe internal medicine, maybe psychiatry, maybe emergency medicine. But never did I imagine us living in an era of a deadly pandemic that's taking the lives of so many people. Heck, it didn't even cross my mind living like this 4 years ago- back then I put on hold almost everything I love (including traveling and volunteering work) with the hope that I would complete my studies on time and then planned to travel right after the last part of the exam to celebrate (kononnye), never did I imagine being stuck here and not being able to not just travel, but even our movement outside is restricted!

Just like that the table turned at the end of 2019 and continued to do so up till today. Until when? Only God knows.

So yes, the different reactions as the consequences of these life events that's been happening is.... kinda expected. But surely.... surely it's also an eye-opener to a lot of things, no?

Heated discussion there... XP

The silence I carry is not because I do not care.
But rather a continuous observation from inside and outside the box
Because saying something, forwarding something, and writing something carry some amount of responsibility. You're accountable for every word that you utter- it can be the truth, or it can be misleading information, so you decide which one you want to be- the spreader of truth, or the spreader or lies (although perhaps to you it's "presumed" truth) 

If you don't know and unsure, please seek the truth by asking the experts and reading from the correct, credible sources.
If you don't have anything nice to say, hold your tongue and check your fingers before typing nasty & filthy comments.
And if you don't agree with a certain opinion, just stop there but don't spread lies and misinformation.

It hasn't been a beautiful year.
Every day looks gloomy and we're at our wit's end and ready to collapse 
We may even wonder why things happened the way they are?

Perhaps there is a different path and future for each of us

Perhaps there will never be an answer
Perhaps we will only find the answers 10, 20, 50 or perhaps 100 years down the line
Perhaps it's a preparation for something bigger
Perhaps it's a reminder for the future
Perhaps it's to unravel hidden things and the ugly truths
Perhaps it's to highlight certain hidden issues
Perhaps it's a consequence of our OWN actions and words
Nobody knows...

Nobody knows.

Nobody but Allah.
Wallahualam bissawab

So I'm closing this chapter with a blank canvas for the next chapter.

Turn the page, Wani

Your new chapter is coming soon.

~*~

The Aftermath: Blood, Sweat and Tears

May 3-5th, 2021: Part 3 MMed Exam, Viva- Thesis Defence
4th May marked the day where a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Closing yet another chapter which was literally was blood, sweat, and tears.

Like literally.

MMed Batch June 2017- May 2021 (Incomplete quorum)

I started off this journey with a lot of hesitation. The experience as a house officer vs medical officer in general medicine was different; the more I walk this path, the more I don't know, the more difficult I felt, the more intimidated and unsure I became. But Allah has different plans for me- He diverted me back into medical and then into Masters of Internal Medicine where I knew it would be one of the toughest journeys yet. And MMed was literally blood, sweat, and tears no matter how much mentally prepared you thought you were. It would either make you or break you.

And it had almost broken me multiple times, especially during the last leg.

Nevertheless, what did make the difference are the people you met during this journey.

Part of the study group members

Allah eased my journey by letting me befriended friends who watch out for each other, lending shoulders to cry on, ears to listen to, and being keen reminders to each other. Allah allowed us to meet remarkable, impeccable, and impactful teachers, mentors, seniors, and colleagues- people whom we look up to, admired upon and they taught us many, many things from different aspects.  

Not only that, Allah gave me more than what I asked for:

- supportive family and friends outside the MMed circle and to be honest they are one of my strongest pillars of support and buffers

- challenging cases and incidents but full of lessons and wisdom and although they almost make me fall to pieces each time, I was supplicated by many hidden mechanisms to pull me through them  

- new opportunities and welcome distractions 

Ending one chapter means the beginning of another.
Successfully climbing one hurdle means facing a bigger one.

I honestly don’t know how the next chapter will be and what challenges it will bring.
To be honest, I'm more nervous than excited, especially to leave this comfort zone.
But if anything past 5 years has taught me, there’s always, ALWAYS reasons and meanings behind each event.

I just hope that in the future I will be able to look back into this post and this episode to remind myself of this.

Bismillah...

"We made it guys!" Sincerely, Tsum Tsum Girls

Pin: The Sprint, The Battle & The Truth

Enter: the last 10 nights of Ramadhan,
Key aim: gain as much as possible, re-connect, lots and tonnes of dua, the sprint

Enter: the last 48 hours before part 3 viva- the thesis defence
Key aim: survive that grueling 45-minute presenting and grilling, the battle

Enter: the last month of the masters programme
Key aim(s): finish this programme swiftly, pass over my unofficial job(s), ensure some systems are in place for the next batch to continue to manage covid cases smoothly, take a little of a break, and settle pending personal plans that I've been postponing, the sprint

Enter: Less than a month before deciding where to gazette
Key aim: Will depend on what's the next step and what's in line for me, the unknown

Enter: To be honest, at this rate- the impending coming wave
Key aim: Bracing mentally (and perhaps for the whole frontliners as well) and physically
Shortfall(s): Tired. It's been more than a year without a break. Critical care units that are always full... the struggle for optimum care- only those involved know. To be honest, we don't even have the energy to argue with those who don't believe; so pray it doesn't befall unto your loved ones.
Counter-act(s): I have to remind myself this every time- find small wins, small gratitudes and make a lot of sincere dua