Reasons

I feel like... I have no reasons to keep on going
Every day feels like I'm forcing myself to get up and go to work
Every day is a struggle to find reasons to keep on moving for the day... and even with no reason, I just walk along aimlessly and at the end of the day, I wonder why am I still here, why can't it end?

This has been going on for slightly more than a week now...

I wonder how long this weight will last?

Pin: The Sprint, The Battle & The Truth

Enter: the last 10 nights of Ramadhan,
Key aim: gain as much as possible, re-connect, lots and tonnes of dua, the sprint

Enter: the last 48 hours before part 3 viva- the thesis defence
Key aim: survive that grueling 45-minute presenting and grilling, the battle

Enter: the last month of the masters programme
Key aim(s): finish this programme swiftly, pass over my unofficial job(s), ensure some systems are in place for the next batch to continue to manage covid cases smoothly, take a little of a break, and settle pending personal plans that I've been postponing, the sprint

Enter: Less than a month before deciding where to gazette
Key aim: Will depend on what's the next step and what's in line for me, the unknown

Enter: To be honest, at this rate- the impending coming wave
Key aim: Bracing mentally (and perhaps for the whole frontliners as well) and physically
Shortfall(s): Tired. It's been more than a year without a break. Critical care units that are always full... the struggle for optimum care- only those involved know. To be honest, we don't even have the energy to argue with those who don't believe; so pray it doesn't befall unto your loved ones.
Counter-act(s): I have to remind myself this every time- find small wins, small gratitudes and make a lot of sincere dua

Footprint

It's only April and I had taken 4 MCs within 2 weeks O.o I was down some URTI and fever 3 weeks ago then it escalated into bad sore throat that rendered me voiceless, like literally no voice at all that I had to take MCs! I even consulted the ENT team and they did a quick scope and I've never felt more relieved knowing my vocal cord is normal! Yup, not only singers and teachers need their voices to work okay, I had to take MC because I just can't communicate with the patients and had to be on voice-rest :(

My voice is coming back slowly , it's not as raspy as previously but it's still not normal yet. The cough still persists though... and I suspect it will last for another month or so, just as previously. 

I finally watched Shigatsu Kimi no Uso (Your Lie in April) live action and I LOVE it! Came across the soundtrack and insert songs and stumbled upon Seven's Orange (2nd Ending song for the anime version) and I absolutely love love LOVE them all! I have a feeling that I'd be playing the songs on loop for the next few days :)

Apart from that, we had a reunion- my classmates when I was in Standard 6 in Primary School! That's like.... 21 years ago okay! Someone actually went through all the troubles to initiate the group and surprisingly we've gotten everyone except for this one guy (and to be honest, I have no recollection of him ^^; ). So we decided a meet-up is a must and Saturday night was supposed to be the first official reunion but more than half of the class couldn't make it, so next time we'll plan it during school holiday, I guess since quite a number are actually teachers and some are living outside Klang Valley area.

On the other note... this cousin of mine will be leaving for Hong Kong at the end of this month :(  She'll be outstation for the next 6 to 8 months and I'd loose one ear to listen to all my whining , cries and stories...

It will be tough years coming ahead, if I'm accepted into the Masters programme... and that means more time and energy time spent for work and studying, more stress coming, less break and holidays (there goes my periodical must-have-holiday T_T), less time to join missions and to be honest I need all the support I could get in next 4 years... This is even more nerve-wrecking than when I first started working okay

To be honest... I'm scared. I don't know if I'm mentally and physically prepared. Past months had been tough enough and I was overworked to a point of getting sick... I also think that part of it is I've gotten too complacent at my current place, so I'm so scared now to a point of wishing that I'd not make the list...

This will probably be among the places where I rant...

I'm oncall tomorrow.... and the precall blues have started *sighs*

Mengejar Lailatul Qadar

Night.
22 Ramadhan 1413.

Where are we now?
What have we achieve?
Are we chasing 'the night better than 1000 months'?
Or are we still at the same spot when we enter madrasah Ramadhan?
Or are we still the same person prior to this holy month?
Have we changed?

This is a reminder,
especially for yours truly.
Wallahu'alam bissawab.

Regress of Progress

And so we waited for the release of the temporary result transcripts since morning and did what was told to be done and changed what was told to be changed and again did what was demanded for us to do- which included a trip by our rep down to another office in the neighbouring area.

And off the letter was sent to the recipient but still we couldn't collect our results. So we waited.
Because it seemed that everyone was in the meeting and the results couldn't be released because everyone was in the meeting. So we waited again.

And waited and soon it was passed 5 p.m.

Oh well. The SPA interview would be at 8 a.m. and I guess we could just say that they refused to release our temporary transcript. It was fine with me. Nothing beats the truth anyway.

But hola! At 7 p.m. we were told that our results were in our colleague's hands. By the time the transcript got into my hands, guess what? My name (and not just mine, mind you) was WRONGLY SPELT.

AGAIN.

What was the point of me personally went up to the office to correct my name if it's still wrongly printed on the transcript? What was the point of us re-checking our names EVERY TIME before the Professional Exams just to get our names wrong AGAIN?

Seriously, don't they have a system for this?
Do I have to make a big deal out of this?

Even if they want to pull something like holding our transcripts until we do what they wanted us to do, please make sure that the names on the temporary scripts were correct. AT LEAST.
Especially since the copies were to be given to SPA.

And since it was released after office hour and my interview (as well as some of those whose names were incorrect) was on the next day, that left no room to correct it, yes?

Brilliant, yeah?

=P

From today onwards, don't ask me what I would want for my birthday.
Because I'll give this as the answer: Ohoku's Goods from TBS!

Click here for pictures

=P

Excuses

You know, if you don't want to go, or don't want something, please don't ask "do we have to?"
It will make everyone's life easier if you just admit it

It comes to a point where it's annoying
(and I clearly don't want my inbox full of those)

Excuses... Excuses

That's how I see it
[because that's how I've been 'warned' once. It was a wake-up call]

Prank Call Warnings

Salam,

My sister and I just received a prank call/scam and I thought we might just as well warn you guys about it.
It started with saying calling from hospital because our dad met an accident and that he's in surgery
A few non-sensible instructions followed, argue if you have to but DO NOT REVEAL any important information about you or your family!
It's hard to tell if it's a male or female, seemed like they use that device that could change your voice.

Applaud my sister for arguing with the caller; once he/she knew we made a phone call checking with our parents, he/she quickly put down the phone.

A few things he/she made us did:

• Initially he/she made you switch off any means of communication i.e. phone, internet etc. so that it won't interfere with the electrical equipments once he/she connects the phone to our father. Get this people; surgeons DO bring handphones in operating theatre!
• Also, he/she said our mom didn't want us to know yet, the hospital still calls us to let us know about the accident. Does it make sense that if your mom doesn't want you to know what happens and yet the hospital calls against her consent? It's just unethical to go against one's consent, hospitals WON'T do that!
• And to send 'neurons' through phones? Get this too, neurons are CELLS in the brain, it CANNOT be PASSED through phone lines!
  
• Also, he/she said it's a minor surgery (but the way they put it was like a life-threatening surgery. Be careful though, they said that his heartbeat was low (bradycardia) and it WAS in the range of bradycardia (maybe he/she gets the info from wiki?)
• Another key to ponder is that they said it's an operation near knee-cap, but can't explain the name of the surgery or what structures have been severed
  
• Plus he/she said it's an operation near the knee, but there's a 5% chance that my dad would be paralyzed... UNLESS it involves the spinal cord or fracture around the pelvic area, that just doesn't click. Knee is below the level that can cause both legs to be paralyzed!
  
• The one that made my sister riled up and argued with the caller was the instruction that asked us to draw the curtain down and change into our parents clothes; so that the 'feelings' would be sent through the phone once they connected the phone to our dad... Just where in medical field does that stand? Hospitals also don't call patients' relatives to do 'rejuvination procedure' over the phone; there's NO such things, ok?
• One last important point before I forgot; hospital won't simply call you WITHOUT introducing who is on the line (i.e. Dr. blablabla, pakar blablabla/MO/HO)

Seriously, be careful people... you'll never know what kind of information you'll reveal/offer once you heard the news saying your dad/mom had an accident.
Alhamdulillah we were fortunate before there's any instructions of wanting us to give bank account numbers, or transfer the money or before somebody actually break into our house during the phone call...