Iceland, The Healing Journey- Part 1/9: The basics

To be honest, I have never imagined myself traveling to Iceland. But I couldn’t imagine traveling my first trip there without the two girls who pulled me into their trip this time around- D and N who both are seasoned travelers and were very much the backbone of the trip. 

Hamad International Airport (HIA) Doha, Qatar- 1st layover

I practically knew nothing much about Iceland, so I couldn’t really imagine planning in detail for the journey, so much of the itinerary was based on this website: https://fullsuitcase.com/4-days-in-iceland/

The first draft of the itenarary, to roughly know what's there and where the places are. Sneafellsness is located in the purple circle 

I didn’t really have much time to probe around further and list other potential places/tours, but since we had an extra day to travel, we added in Sneafellsness Peninsular. Most of the tourist attractions are on the South Ring Road hence Sneafellsness which is more to the western tip of Iceland wasn’t on the itinerary in the first place. Apart from the South Ring Road, our next big thing, which was why the trip was on in the first place was the Aurora chase. You’ll find out what happens in the next few entries. 

Breakfast in Heathrow Airport, London our 2nd layover while waiting for the last flight into Iceland 

Anyway, this log is more for my future references, but if it helps you, go ahead. Be warned that there will be tonnes of pictures because, in all honesty, I’m still amazed at all the different landscapes, sceneries, and weather that we went through throughout the trip- it’s totally a different sight to see coming from the equator and you could just see and appreciate how great God’s creations are.

So on to the basics:

1) Choose your month carefully. Winter has short daytime and perhaps less time for sightseeing so maybe you’d need a longer duration of the vacation. We were told that the best time to see Aurora is around October-November when it’s about to start winter. Summer, on the other hand, will give you totally different sceneries and perhaps a lot more tourists around. We decided to go around March because Ramadhan falls in April.

2) Weather: Iceland’s weather is pretty unpredictable, especially around wintertime. We went towards the end of March, which was still during winter but at the tail end of it- still a lot of rain and snow and wind but on good days we got clear sky and sunshine. Do check the daytime hours, sunrise, and sunset on the days you’re having your trip. That said, keep in mind that the weather can change instantly too so you probably have to be flexible with your plans.

Found this in the pocket on Iceland Air

True, this

3) Driving seat is on the left side, so if you’re coming from South East Asia like us, we drive on the right side back home; it takes a bit of time time to get used to but definitely do-able, although you do need someone to keep a tab on your driving because everything is just the other way round including the roundabout.

Introducing your first driver, yours truly, thank you. Lucky these girls keep reminding me of the turning and whatnot

4) Taking into consideration the two above points if you go in summer or not-winter time, driving would probably be easier. In winter, it could be challenging. So do make some research about the driving conditions during the month you’re making your trip. Iceland is all about maintaining the natural habitat and nature hence most of the out-of-town roads are single lanes and some off-roads gravel roads too. Winter could be icy-road all the way or muddy, wet roads and you have to switch on your lights at all times. A lot of websites warned that apart from changing weather, the one thing that you need to be on the lookout for is other drivers on the road because you may not know how they would behave. And stick to the speed limit- I mean it, especially when we’re not used to driving on the icy roads.

This was on day 2, at a stop and viewpoint on the way to Golden Circle. 

5) If you have no confidence in driving, or are going in a smaller group or solo trip- don’t drive but book tours instead. There are a lot of tour groups that you can scout and book online- from day-trip to days-trip. Most places have day-tour trips from Reykjavik including Sneafellsness Peninsular, Golden Circle, Blue Lagoon, Vik/Diamond Beach/Glacier hike tour, and even aurora tours. You will probably have to do a lot of research on this though- there is a lot of information online. Unfortunately, Reykjavik doesn’t have a central tourist center rather they are scattered throughout the city hence your best bet is still online. But the good thing is, they are quite prompt with their replies via email so online is still the best way to deal with it.

6) Accommodation: There are a lot of hotels and BnBs in Reykjavik but limited at the outskirts. My suggestion is to plan the places you wanna see first and then see where the nearest accommodations are and work around that. We made our trip as far as Skaftafell/Jokulsarlon but now looking back I wonder if we could have gotten further east to Hofn. We did however decide that we wanted an “our pace” trip, slow and steady knowing that we would be driving in winter and did not want to rush things through, so maybe these places next time should the opportunity arrives.

The view from our 1st BnB

Our journey took a total of 27 hours from Kuala Lumpur to Reykjavik, via Doha and Heathrow. So we were pretty much jet-lagged and kinda disorientated when we first arrived… well, I was anyway, trying to make sense through the inability to sleep during the flight and sudden weather change- from tropical sunshine to sudden icy-cold around me. So my best advice is still to try to get as much sleep as you can while on the flight.

First thing first when you’ve gotten cleared from the custom and claimed your baggage- toilet, sim card, and car rental. Toilets are clean and well maintained. Simcard provides you with 5G of data at least, so bring a spare phone as a hotspot point- Waze is reliable throughout the journey, and our accommodations were easily found via Waze, even the off-road one. The car rental process however took a bit of time, but if you’ve booked it online, you just have to be patient.

We planned a few free nights in Reykjavik- on the first day of arrival, we booked the Aurora tour so that if it got canceled, we could rebook it again. 

Which was what happened- the unfavourable weather made it impossible to catch Aurora on the day we arrived so we decided to unpack, have dinner at our BnB, and had a good rest instead. 

Next: Part 2/9 Day 1 in Reykjavik

Iceland: A Healing Journey [Prologue]

Up till March 2022, my personal journal has been filled with unspoken words of anxiety, worries, self-contempt, and burnout cries. I was finding it difficult to move on, a lot of factors contributed to that, and I wondered if it was even worth it to keep going.

So when there was an invitation to travel and just break away from everything else, I jumped into it.

Perhaps, it was what I needed.

Iceland, to be honest, has been a healing journey for me.
The next coming entries will be about our trip to Iceland; maybe interspersed with some rants here and there

Kinda dread going back to work next week, to be frank. Fortunately Ramadhan will join us in the next couple of days so I'll be using that and writing the travel log for the Iceland trip to keep my mind away from work.

Introducing the travel companions, N in the middle, D at the back, and me in the front.

One of my favourite photos. Actually, there are A LOT, I just don't know which one to choose

Reasons

I feel like... I have no reasons to keep on going
Every day feels like I'm forcing myself to get up and go to work
Every day is a struggle to find reasons to keep on moving for the day... and even with no reason, I just walk along aimlessly and at the end of the day, I wonder why am I still here, why can't it end?

This has been going on for slightly more than a week now...

I wonder how long this weight will last?

Mask

I intended to pen down our journey rushing back to Temerloh using the alternative route before it became an island and totally inaccessible; which happened last Tuesday, after studying and frequently getting updates on the roads' condition. It was my first experience of brainstorming the routes while weighing between the pros and cons and the safety vs urgency of coming back to the place where I'm currently residing for working from my hometown in the heart of Kuala Lumpur.

What used to be an hour and forty minutes drive of 130km road via the highway turned into a 7-hour of 400++km journey via Kuala Pilah-Jempol-Muadzam Shah-Gambang-Maran to Temerloh. 2 cars, 3 drivers including my dad while frequently checking the road access.

The next day, the last leg of the journey had become inaccessible.
But at least Medical Department has another extra 4 physicians to mend the department including clinic, wards, peripheral referrals, covid wards, and on call.

The routes we took on Tueday, 21 Dec 2021

The routes last night, the highway has reopened and water receded in many places already

However, that is not the reason I'm writing today.

Today is one of the days when again I question myself as a physician.
The patient was so young, even less than half of my age. When my colleague passed over the case, we had that 6th instinct telling us this might be a complicated case... and true enough... the quick decisions made while weighing and thinking what's going on, the adrenaline rush while attending the rapidly deteriorating case, the added information that didn't make sense & didn't tally with the previous clinical judgment... you keep on thinking what's going on now and why is this happening?

I am grateful that the same colleague was oncall along with me; she was waiting for the never-arrived patient in critical care unit to do bedside scan and when she called the ward to ask where the patient was and got to know we're resuscitating the same patient, she came up and helped.

It was a while now, me almost breaking down while informing the grim news to the father.
But sometimes in this profession, you just had to put on that mask and wore that hat saying you're okay while delivering the gut-wrenching update in front of a large crowd.

Sometimes it made me feel like a heartless robot.

It was a very painful and difficult decision to call off the on-going resuscitation. But when we made eye-contact, we knew of the prognosis and to keep on going was probably causing more damage... At the back of our minds, what else have we missed?

As you climb up the ladder and you learn more things, you carry more weight.
You give your best maximum capacity and effort and then you pray for the best.

Today, that weight seems a little heavier. 
But you know that whatever happens, you still need to move on and attend to other cases.
So you tuck aside this case at the corner of your mind.

So that when you are all alone and the night has blanketed the world,
You can cry yourself to sleep at the incident and sift through the event to look for any pitfall or weakness on your side.

Rabbiyassir wala tu'assir
"O Allah the Most Merciful and the Most Benovelent, please bless our knowledge so that we become the tool of Your Mercy in serving the humanity regardless of race, creed, and religion"
-prayer taught by our previous lecturer and Dean, Prof Hatta S.

UKM 49th Convocation

Nov 28th, Sidang 2, Faculty of Medicine UKM

Because the date is worth a mention here.
The day we met each other day again after a while, those whom I partly owe the success to and those who walked the same paths;
The day we received our scrolls, names being mentioned, new title being announced;

Honorary mention:
Majid, JK, Agni, Ilham, Dalleen, Hema, Maryam, Ezzaty, Cheong, Hamizah, Amalin

The new norm, no guests (parents) were allowed in the hall, but families were able to watch the convocation live telecast online.

Took the opportunity to take family photos as well after the convo session;
After all, I owe my family A LOT for allowing and easing my Masters journey

And the day before, the girls took the opportunity to take photos together.
(The MDTs (MultiDisciplinaryTeam), Keep on Moving & TsumTsum girls)
These girls who were the pushers, motivators, witnesses, supporters, colleagues-came-good friends, and more like sisters in the fraternity
Each has a different background, different stories, and journeys, different struggles, different pages even though we walk the same path-

Missing Amalin

Looking back, all the blood sweat and tears, was it worth it?
Yes.
It was difficult, yes, but made easier when you had colleagues who were team players and mentors who guided you along-  
And now, each of us is walking a different pathway;
I pray the friendship lasts forever and that our paths will cross again someday.

New role, new commitments
Who knows what's in store for us in the future

Ending page "MMed Journey",
Turning to page "Physician Journey"

Rough Patch

Today is one of those days when you look back at the decisions you made and you question those decisions, wondering if you should have done it differently and if it would change the path and course that has now happened.

Today is one of those days when you question yourself if you have done justice.

I honestly don't like the day like today.

Boost(er)

A quick note.

14 Oct: Was informed that tomorrow there would be slots opened for staff who opted for booster dose; those who received their last dose at least 6 months ago, voluntary basis

15 Oct: Took the opportunity to do so, even though the next day I was oncall... better now than never yes?
So, just wanted to put this here, as a reminder.

Side effects of this 3rd dose? Pain at the injection site for slightly more than 72 hours, muscle-ache mainly at the injected arm and left chest area that lasted for 72 hours or so, a bit of flu-like symptoms but resolved within 48 hours. 

Overall symptoms were much less compared to the 2nd dose, Alhamdulillah not needing ant analgesia this time. I was still able to do oncall the next day; my MOs had a bit worse side effects and it showed on their faces during oncall, poor fellas....

The booster dose is on a voluntary basis given to higher risk groups including the frontline health care workers, the elderly, and patients with comorbid.

Afternoon Nap

I was stationed at the clinic a few days ago. And one of the patients came in. Sometimes, my opening question would be, “So, how are you today?”

And this patient suddenly burst into tears.

Putting the papers aside, I positioned myself to face this patient directly, I knew the disease follow-up questions had to wait, there’s a more pressing matter to attend to- to find out the cause of this unexpected turn of events. It’s not unusual that this kind of episode to happen, but it’s also not frequent.

This was one of the people who still must come to work throughout the pandemic. Due to the increased workload, staffs were rearranged, more work coverage for them and less off-time. Those factors and key-in other personal and non-personal factor(s), life can sometimes be too overwhelmed.

When this patient described what’s been going on leading to the sudden outburst, it was as though I was looking at myself a while back, not too long ago, recurrent in different timings & situations. It all felt too real, I needed no further probe to understand what’s going on.

I was that person.
I was in this person’s shoes.

I had no courage to call or contact Psychological First Aid back then. But I know this person needs it, and an MC to rest at least for the day.

Work burnout is real.

If someone indicates that he or she is stressed out, on whether they realized that it’s a burnout sign or not, do take a little bit of time to listen to them. Sometimes, just having someone to listen would be a great help. 

Especially now.

Filler 3: Reflection

Certainly, I didn’t plan to wake up on my birthday to being informed I misdiagnosed a patient.

However, I’m grateful to meet a few people who distracted me from being down the whole day. Conversations upon conversations later made me realize perhaps it’s not the issues of confidence and competency, rather the perfectionist side of me that’s making me afraid to take the next step until I’m ‘perfectly’ ready. That in turn discourages me from calling the shots until I have all the facts in my hands and remember everything in my mind.

It’s probably the reason I’m being too hard and too harsh on myself- that every mistake, small or big exposes my weakness and vulnerability. And this in turn drags me down further, unable to move on and got stuck at the “fact” and “conclusion” that I’m not good and I’m incompetent. That mantra kept on playing at the back of my mind until I believe that it was who I am.

Forgetting that I’m human and that human err.
Forgetting the fact that I have achieved success in the past, no matter how small they were.
Forgetting that I overcame the trials and tribulations in the past.
Forgetting that I got up from many falls, with the help of numerous people and the strength that God lend.

Maybe the fact that God sent a senior officer to point out the miss I made was meant to be. Maybe if I didn’t find the weakness and “confusion” that the patient had, we wouldn’t even diagnose the stroke, and maybe if that happened worse things could happen.

And to realize this now, finally putting the pieces together after such a long time, we came to the conclusion what’s meant to be was meant to be and if we make mistake, learn from it and don’t make the same mistake in the future.

And that I’m not perfect.
No one’s perfect.

Filler 2: Permission to-

Settling into the new place, environment, and working routine,
This will probably take some time.

In a way, it's perhaps physically slightly less taxing;
But in terms of the weight of the responsibility, and mentally, it's more and heavier.

First active general medicine on call as a physician, okay not so bad...
First passive covid on-call, so far still okay.

If there's anything that resurfaces from my ever-so-existing weakness,
It's my own insecurities and sense of incompetency and feeling unsure about everything
This, I need to "fix" it myself, and I need to improve.
This, I know will take longer than expected.

But for someone who has trouble adapting to new places,
I probably purposely jeopardize my own sanity by choosing to be deployed for the pandemic mobilization, not knowing where I'd be placed when I signed up for it...
And now they assigned me to a whole new place, I'm wondering if I'm pushing myself beyond what I can chew and if I just like to get myself into troubles.... -.-;;
Perhaps I should have just sat quietly here to adapt and get used to the new environment D=

Let's see what will happen in the next 6 weeks...