Voicing My Fear

I’m scared. Let me say that again: I’m scared.

One of the main reasons I asked for a full in-campus programme during MMed is how long it takes me to adapt to a new place. I realized this when I was 16. Moving from KL to Kerteh was one of the hardest transitions back then.

Of course, there was a lot of moving and shifting afterward, but I also noticed that Allah put me within my support system in all those transitions, and there were eases amid the difficulties indeed. But my next phase is… maybe because of a lot of ‘unknown’ circumstances, people, and environment… and maybe because I’ve become too comfortable currently staying at home for the past 1 year, I’m now overly anxious… afraid, even.

I think I’m not afraid to work hard… I’m just afraid of the judgment and the inability to cope with expectations. And physically, I feel I have less endurance now… and I don’t have a support system, I guess….? Like, how do I unwind at the end of the day? How do I cope? How fast can I adapt?
And for someone who’s easily overly nervous, the situation doesn’t help….

I’m trying to tell myself: Maybe it’s time to ‘re:set’

Reset the intention
Reset the routine
Reset the mindset, a.k.a. the way I look at things

Maybe 2025 is a ‘RE: SET’ year.

Recently, I came across a drama, Jeongyon: The Star is Born. I was so taken and impressed by the main lead that I instantly became a fan and tried to look for her other dramas and movies. She’s so talented, this girl! I was even more amazed when I learned that she prepared for the role since April 2021! AND she was also working on other projects on top of that… So I thought…. “Ahh, this kind of preparation also EXISTS…”

Hence, reflecting on it, I know the 3-years programme in Geriatric Medicine that I’m currently in is probably short… will it be sufficient for me…? Especially if I’m going to be in this field for the next 20 years at least. At least, that gives me a little bit of courage to face 2025- that I know I have to go through this anyway for my training...

…

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I’m still scared though… to be honest.

On a different note, the 2 Kim Tae Ri's movies that I have not yet seen are ‘Little Forest’ and ‘1987: When the Day Comes’. No matter how much I search, I just couldn’t find ways to watch them, so if you can let me on little hints, do let me know….

I may go back into hiatus after this post. 

To you who are facing challenges, tested with illness and trials, may Allah eases your affairs… And amidst the business and our taxing schedule, remember that the genocide in Palestine is still ongoing and the world is still silent… as the tears form again, let’s do our part too. #FreePalestine.

Wallahualam bissawab.