Her Confession

She looked around. The house seemed empty despite the other people making noises. In front of her, the laptop was switched on; she stared at the screen as though her gaze could make a hole in the centre.

The she sighed.

At times like this, she loathed herself. At times like this, she felt like shouting and banging her head. Was it almost that time of the month? Or was it simply her pent-up frustration? She didn't know, and it didn't matter much anymore.

Nimble fingers moved. They double-clicked on the YM icon. Then she shook her head. No, she wouldn't do it. This time around, she felt like...

She sighed again.

It was as though the past was repeating itself; she cringed. Suddenly she felt like re-reading that piece; that piece that expressed everything. Oh well, it wasn't with her anymore, she shrugged it off.

It was mixed feelings actually- a bit of frustration, a bit of loneliness, a bit of anger, a bit of remorseness, a bit of blames, a bit of hatred... Why must people assume? Could they try and put themselves in her shoes for a moment? Then there was other issues... where she felt like it was all her fault...
This was when she felt like an intruder. Maybe she had made the wrong decision.
This was when she really need an ear to listen to... yet... yet... Maybe she had made the wrong decision again?

Maybe it was true... you absorb other people's concerns... and you have to let yours out. But to who? How? When? The only place she knew how was when she held a pen.

She sighed again.

She needed to run, just to get away for a while and clear her mind, see things differently for a moment...

But... how?

Once Upon A Time...

There was a little girl, who had just moved back to her own home land from a land quite a distance away.

It wasn't fully her wish to come home (yet), but life being life, she was given no choice but to surrender to the decision made for her. It was not as though she didn't love her home land, but she had so many memories and she was promised to stay at where she grew up for another couple of years initially and yet, the decision was revised and in the end she was ordered home instantly.

Having no say, she obidiently came home. Having spent a few years abroad, she was nervous and yet excited to come home. There were a lot of things in her mind and her biggest challange was adapting and blending in quickly to her new environment. There was a saying, she remembered, 'time is like a moving, speeding arrow, it will not wait for you, rather you have to run after it'. Holding to that particular philosophy, she tried her hardest.

This little girl had a younger sister; whom she could rely on very much though in the past the two weren't the best of friends. Though they promised to lean on each other's shoulder, the little girl knew her younger sister needed her own personal space at times. Under certain circumstances, they had to move on their own ways and walk independently.

Because of this, the parents of the girls were quite worried. Their main concern was if the little girl could cope fast enough or if she should be placed within arms-reach of her younger sister to ease her adaptation process.

"Dearest mommy and daddy,

This path set for me is not an easy one. Though I've accepted it fully, there are times in which I wonder where I did wrong that resulted in me being here earlier than planned. There are also times where I miss Perth very much that I long to return there.

But what's done is done. There's no more time to look back and reminisce on 'what if'. I am happy at where I am and in the group and in the house that I'm in. There's no more need to be worried on if I could adapt fast enough or well enough; you've raised someone who's willing to meet the world head's on if needed to. It's enough to know that I have you both on my back, as my pillar of strength and as reminders... You've raised someone who'd always remember that even if there's no one else, there'll always be Allah by her side..."

Baqarah (2): 214: Apakah kamu mengira bahawa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum datang kepadamu (cubaan) sebagai mana halnya orang-orang terdahulu sebelum kamu?

Baqarah (2): 216: ...Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.

Baqarah (2): 286: Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya...

Out of Control

First of all, Ramadhan Mubarak to every muslim. May we benefit most this holy month and take the opportunity to reflect on ourselves and our iman. May this be a blessed madrasah Ramadhan for us.

The first week of Reproductive System... nothing more could explain it better than the given entry topic. By the end of the week, my laptop was gone, my phone was gone too, my marks dropped and I fell sick. Don't get me wrong, the laptop and phone weren't stolen- they were sent for service; overheating and speaker problem respectively. I wasn't that frustrated but it did (or rather still does) make my life a lot harder, especially with the abscence of my laptop because I need it for my daily assignments. The stress level was quite high, I have to say, especially when it's hard to find time to revise for Friday's exam and doing the allocated activities. That might be one of the many factors that contributed to my fever at the end of the week...

On the other hand, we went to MERCY 8th birthday dinner in Legend Hotel. Unfortunately none of us brought camera because funnily each and everyone of us thought the other people brought one. The talk was inspirational and the food was reeeaaally good.

Everything's moving back to the normal phase now; oh, except for that usual lack of sleep, but it's ok, we can catch on the lack of sleep on the weekend, especially when this weekend my sister and I have no plan (yet) to go back to KL...

Oh wait... I need to pick the laptop from Acer.... Bummer...

A Month After

Believe it or not, it has been a month since I started 2nd year in CUCMS. There was feeling of nervousness, homesick (yeah, after 9 months staying at home, it could do that to you) and excited. I have to admit the first week was the hardest, especially moving into a new place (and not sharing a place with my sis), finishing up assignments daily when you really have to adapt quickly to the format and style and blending in and make new friends while everyone else have known each other for at least a year.

It would have been easier to say 'I quit' rather than 'I'll endure this no matter what'.

But I made a pledge to myself; promises to hold to and duties I placed on myself. And somehow, there's this strength in me that came out of no where and kept on whispering 'you can do this'. So with though face and blank expression, I weaded through the first week bravely; though I did break down on the last day during Reflection (for reasons I wouldn't disclose, okay?)
But that seemed to be the stopcock that was finally lifted to let everything out and after that everything went quite smoothly.

I thoroughly enjoyed second week, especially when I joined some of them in the group study. Alhamdulillah since I've learned Urinary System before, things were not as hard as when I learned it the first time. And the way they teach it here, it was even easier to understand.

By the end of week three, I suddenly had this feeling... that I'm happier here compared to where I was before. It's not to say that I'm not happy while I was in Perth, I did, of course I did; and I still love it the way I did while I was there. It's just that here, perhaps it's the fact that I'm with my sis, or that everyone around is doing the same thing so they understand how challenging it could be at times and everyone's in the same boat...

Our timetable is packed on weekdays. My new routine is staying at college till late at night to finish up works and sleeping at 1-2 a.m. is considered normal. Nevertheless, I enjoy it.

The last week of Urinary System was closed with Final Assessment in the morning and Sports Carnival in the afternoon on Friday (yesterday). It was really a tiring day but it was fun (yes, including the assessment I might add) so who am I to complain?

On the other note, I went for both sides walimah of Gundat and Shila. I could still smile recalling the beautiful events. Alia has got the liberty to upload the wedding pictures and if you're interested to view them (Warning: there're LOTS and LOTS of pictures!), plase click here: http://picasaweb.google.com/GundatShila

Next walimah I believe will be in December (and I'm still honored to be the bride's maid!)

Second step

Salam,

Just to let you know that alhamdulillah, I'm in CUCMS, starting 2nd Year (2nd batch) starting last Monday.

If you're to ask me how is it like (or how am I coping- please don't ask me this question...) I have to say it's very different from UWA or even Perth for that matter. And just to answer your question, alhamdulillah I'm coping ok... It's a lie if I say it's not stressfull at the moment but the people here, lecturers and staffs included, are really nice and in a way that eases a lot of things.

SCTL, weekly assessment and reflection (as well as affective domain assessment) are pretty foreign for me. Consequently my routine and sleeping pattern change a lot even though it has only been one week.

And that's not to say I'm complaining or going to complain. In fact, I promised myself that I'll make full use of whatever chances and opportunity I can get here.

Pray for our success...

With that in mind, and with this first entry after a long time, I'll start writing again, insyaAllah, when time permits. This time however, my journey won't be as a foreigner and a student overseas, but as a new local student, trying to fit in and make sense of life journey.

Wassalam.

Perlis and Tree Top Walk

We wanted to go to Langkawi at firts, but the hotel that we wanted was fully booked. So instead, we went to Perlis on the first day- shopping at the duty free shops in Padang Besar (bordering Thailand) and then went to a cave and two lakes.

On the second day, we went to Tree Top Walk.

Yes, not only Western Australia has a Tree Top Walk down in Valley of the Giants, Walpole; Malaysia has one too in Sg. Sedim Recreational Forest in Kulim, Kedah. Apparently, the two use the same technologies- only two in Southern Hemisphere (if I'm not mistaken). *and I've been to both * -grinZ-

The only difference is while the one in WA is the highest (about 40m high I think), the one in M'sia is the longest- about 1km (930m or 960m... I can't remember). Oh, of course, there's also different scene surrounding both Tree Top Walk. They both have different type of forest anyway. And while in WA has Walk of the Ancient Empires (of burnt tingle trees- you'll see the pictures below), we (in M'sia) have scenic river down below and the water was so cool that I felt like jumping into them instantly :p

The left one is Western Australia's Tree Top Walk, while the right is Malaysia's one- for those interested to see the similarities and differences.

-Entrance-

-See the different types of trees??-

-At the highest peak of the two TTW-

-If you look down, you can see tree tops in WA and river in M'sia-

-The burnt tingle tree I mentioned is on the left and the cool river is in M'sia-

On the other note, my dad has successfully booked our accomodation in Pulau Redang in less than two weeks time. And then I'll be attending one of my friend's wedding; so we'll be gone for quite some time.

Don't miss me :p

Cancelled, huh?

And so the supposed family vacation to Langkawi had to be cancelled due to the fact that the hotel we tried to book was fully booked. There goes my plan to (finally have a chance) swim next to the fishes again... :( (And my mom's plan to pick up some wedding gifts for my friends too)

Oh well, at least this week my sister's here. So I can have someone to bicker with.

I decided then, my stuff from KL has to be 'shipped back' to SP so that I can finally start on my Perth-scrapbook project. After all, we're not going to Langkawi anymore *shrug*

On the other note, I had a really weird dream last night. And I sort of woke up in early morning and then went back to bed only to have it continued. Come to think about it, it was more of a mild nightmare. Maybe subconsciously my mind is thinking 'the Earth is dying!!' after watching National Geographic's Earth Day programmes yesterday.

Oh, not to forget, to Fhad, Alya and Mar, just to let you guys know that last Saturday's meeting was fun. I'm willing to do it again should there's no plan in my book!! :D Thanks a lot! :)

A/N- I itch to write... but I have no inspiration whatsoever... :(

Voiceless

I lost my voice (and my brother couldn't help himself from smirking everytime I tried to talk to him *Gah! It's frustrating!*)
And then I wondered, should I have been a rock singer, could this voice sell?? :p

So to all my friends who are doing GP rotation (or will be doing) or those who have learned pathology, all the best and enjoy your studies should you come across the process of inflammation that caused me to loose my voice. I just came back from the GP with some meds.

Some symptoms for you guys though- productive cough (clear sputum) with an onset of sore throat (felt like sands in my throat this time rather than itchiness two weeks ago) and some runny nose. No fever, no myalgia. Onset 4 days ago, and actually it's getting better now.
Well, of course, my voice is still gone....

One Step At A Time

It's a lie if you live and never face hurdles. At times you'll feel so down that you feel useless and at lost of what to do next. You can choose either one:
-drown in self pity and think of how well it could be if only...
-or you can choose to look at it from a different angle and move on,

Choose to become a survivor, not a victim.

Some people will ask, "Are you ok?" 'Are you sad?'
Don't answer straight away. Look into your heart and think. Are you really ok? Aren't you sad at all?
It's a lie if there's no hint of sadness. Of course it's a bit upsetting if not much.
But will you wallow in sadness and stay put?
There's no point of being sad, really. For whatever reason? It has happened and there's no use of keep on being sad. You still have to live. There's still tomorrow to look forward to.

La Tahzan...

People say 'berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul'. True. But He knows you can go through this, that's why it happens to you. Different people face different challanges, but it's how you react to it is important.

For now, take one step at a time. There's no point in rushing.
If you don't know who you want to let it all out to, He will always be there to listen.
24/7, not even a fraction of second to be missed.

Wallahualam

I miss...

I miss this guy... -->



Badly... :(