Away

I'll be away for the next 10-11 days
With that, I'd like to take the opportunity to apologize should I hurt you in any way
Please pray for my safe journey go and coming home and while I'm there

Wassalam

Tempted

The house in KL wouldn't have many tenants unless we're on holidays or my dad has meeting in KL. Hence, once in a while when we check the letterbox, we'd find letters addressed to us- most of the time it's filled with junks.

I was about to throw away those junks when I noticed a while letter- addressed to me, complete with UWA logo on it.

Letter from UWA?

It's not good isn't it?
Reluctantly I tore it open.

My request for another year of leave of absence from MBBS programme there was approved and should I come back for 2009's Fourth Year, I'm to go for an interview with my achievements while I was on leave.

Tempted.

That was my first instinct. Tempted to go back to Perth and settle in where I was most comfortable with 2 years ago- riding trains to Fremantle Hospital, taking the Blue Cat to the city then walked to Royal Perth Hospital, walking around the main campus and dropped by my girlfriends' house, having talks on Charlie campus...
I'm lying if I said I don't miss those.

If I have the money, yeah, why not... after all this was like a vacation ain't it?
To walk into the interview room and tell them what I've done for the past almost one year-
there's so many things...
I'd tell about the SCTL system we're using,
I'd tell about Disaster and Relief Medicine,
About the PPD-military-style-camp in Terendak,
About how we go about our Basic Life Support and First Aid training,
About the visit in Air Disaster Unit and the disaster relief field exercise,
About Young Mercy and its various activities- health carnivals, jogathon, BLS School Tours, fund-raising activities, School Watching Workshops, banjir relief & community work missions...
About other extra co-curricular activities I was involved with- Student Council, Le Tour, Heart to Heart, InterMed, Orientations, Aikido, Kanvas drama production (ok, so I wasn't directly involved in this)
I'd love to tell about the Affective Domain, the mentoring system, the good relationship that we have with our lecturers
I'd smile and let them know that academically I'm doing better that I could've ever imagine, alhamdulillah even better than before...

I'd like to tell them that
And perhaps, this time around when I'm doing ward rounds in RPH, I'd perform better;
when I interview patients in Charlie, I'd understand better;
when I do examination, I'd be more confident...
To be able to greet my team with smile each morning... I'd love that

But reality is,
A dream is a dream
Perhaps Perth is a past for me
Or 10-years-time future, I don't know

But right now I'm here
'Here in my home... I'll tell you what it's all about...'
I'm here and this is my story-
from now on.

She clutched the white paper and looked at it longingly
Though it was tempting... though she was tempted
It wasn't a choice anymore
She was given the decision and she accepted it
Maybe there's no looking back
Only forward, the path left
Unwilling or not, she might just have to let it go

And the paper fell onto the floor...

Life

Whoever said it's only there we will be tested?

The not-so-good news.
Last minute changes, change of plan, supposedly-impromptu traveling (?)
Lots of call, lots of favour,
The slight relieving news.
Rethinking, changes of plans again, back to original plan,
Maybe, slight change of plan...

Mind you I'm not complaining,
Just stating that anything could happen at any time

Sometimes (or many times) things don't always go the way we wanted
When it does, perhaps it's not exactly as we planned
And at times, it wouldn't happen at all

Maybe sometimes it diverted way different from what we were thinking
And maybe misfortunate (if that's how we interpret it) upon misfortunate pushes us till we can't breathe or think
But perhaps,
Perhaps there's a small path,
if we really seek, that would lead us to a greater relief.

[2:214] (But) do you think that you could enter paradise without having suffered like those (believers) who passed away before you?

[2:216] ...but it may well be that you hate a thing the while it is good for you, and it may well be that you love a thing the while it is bad for you: and God knows, whereas you do not know.

[2:286] God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear: in his favour shall be whatever good he does, and against him whatever evil he does

So why the sour face when you can't get what you want?
What's up with the snappy remarks?
Can't you be more considerate?

This is another small part of life
Welcome...

Andai

Andai Amirul Mukminin masih ada,
Pasti terbela kehormatan ini,
Pasti ianya tidak akan berlaku,
Pasti keselamatan akan terjaga,
Pasti tertegaknya keadilan dan hukum Allah

Andai Amirul Mukminin masih ada...

Pampered no more...

Tired... Looking at the watch on the left wrist, shock flitted across her face.

9 p.m.?!

And we were still looking for houses..

I know I was being pampered back then, but the weight of that statement was only felt today when I have to look for my own accommodation, think about the public transportation (and you know how lousy the transportation here can be), think about how best to divide the given allowance- to high renting fees plus water, electric, phone and internet bills; not forgetting food and drinks. Oh, and perhaps the petrol price... which have also gone up now...

[Yeah, change our lifestyle, I know... less meals/'ikat perut' perhaps?
Why don't some other people change their lifestyle, like cutting back all the free cars and unnecessary advantages for example?
That would save everybody else a lot of trouble, we think]

How am I even going to save from that flimsy RM 500?

We officially don’t like looking around for houses to rent in Putrajaya- the unaffordable price (2k++ per month? Maybe even when we’re working, we couldn’t afford that kind of rent, hello?!), not to mention the annoying dead ends we kept end up in- what’s with the many dead ends anyway?

Back then all was easy peasy... half a year with foster family, 2 years in residential college, and another 2 years in very comfortable provided accommodation (mind you it was hotel apartment- fully furnished)- plus easy and reliable transportation (i.e. on time), provided meals (manjenye budak-budak overseas ni, I know) and paid bills... I knew of the downside being pampered like that. I wasn’t fond of the idea but well, people said ‘rezeki jangan ditolak’, right?

Or maybe, I just took things for granted, take things too easy since it’s there in front of my eyes...
Don’t we always do that?
And when we realized it, it’s too late.

As predicted, when the time comes to be independent in this small area of life-

I’m hopeless.

If you’re looking for a good investment, perhaps invest in a house in Putrajaya and let us students who’d be doing clinical postings in Serdang and Putrajaya Hospital rent it…

Afternoons

We were on the main road in Kuala Terengganu, coursing through the speed limit to visit my younger brother while waiting for the Friday prayer to finish. Suddenly my mom said.... "Look at these teenagers, 'performing' their Friday prayer on the road..." From each side, more and more motorcycles we saw passing by our car.

And the khutbah could still be heard via the loud speaker.

It's frustrating, to see that these are the sort of people who would perhaps lead the country in the future. The same scenario occurs in Sungai Petani, where my brother would always be the victim of my mom's lecture about if he behaves just like those who have no sense of responsibility at all.

And the other day, while we were heading back to KL and we passed by the mall that's nearing its finishing in Kerteh, each time, be it in the past when the signs were put for what the land would be used for till the moment while it's still on construction, we sighed.
Though it was supposed to be "the building of some modernization that people in Kerteh have never seen before", we still sigh with sadness...

Part of it to just imagine the suffering of small shop or mart around...
Poor become poorer...
Part of it just to imagine the number of students loitering around
Spending away their parents money (note that it's not even theirs to begin with)
Wasting away precious time for more beneficial activities
Doing nothing but staring around and chit-chatting their seconds down the drain

I asked again and again, "Is civilization being marked by high rise buildings and modern structures?"
"Is civilization something that we are working on when I see more people interested to appear in the t.v. instead of having the dream to learn the highest level possible?"

Didn't the history show that the peak and glory of civilization is when the people have the power over knowledge?

My theory is... teenagers could be the downfall of a civilization

------------------------------

Musing on some afternoons...
I don't want to wear white coats during rounds, or even in the hospital please.... Please... can I NOT wear it? No matter what people say, I still think there's no need to create "the white coat syndrome", there's no need to obviously state who we are, there's no need to indirectly give that aura of superior (when in reality that's just crap, in my opinion, but it does happen, doesn't it?)

Repeatedly I said this to my sister... I don't like it

And when the moments come for me to wear it, I know I will hate it

But what choice to I have?

Stop and Stare?

Among the topics discussed in D'Frontiers (our batch's YM group) at the moment are:
- housing arrangement: living with the new groupmates? find your own preferred housemates?
- where should we live? dengkil? desa pinggiran putra? putrajaya? sepang? isn't it easier finding a common area where most of us will be in? that way it's easier to organize activities and meetings
- should we personalize our white coats? does anyone have any preference?
- Basic Life Support school tour... PPIM Annual Summit in August...
- some tips before clinical school starts (you can contribute too if you want, it'd be much appreciated)
- anyone to volunteer as an SC member in the next election (I'm officially retiring, ppl, so forget it!)
- kebosanan melanda?

I guess some of us so used to have activities to run/organize each week that once we're given break, there'd be comments like 'I'm bored'.

I'm starting the new sem in mid-August with Internal Medicine (a.k.a. General Medicine or Medicine, depending on where you are) at Hosp. Putrajaya insyaAllah... and my muse will be in the same big group so that's not too bad ain't it?

Ah... My cousin's already engaged... walimah will be in December insyaAllah... and more and more wedding invitation came... I wished I could attend them all.
Bought papers today and I sighed.... Drama lagi? After a couple of pages, I dozed off... The drama in my dream was even more interesting.

We'll fly, sink and swim together

Yesterday we had OSCE... today, the results were announced. Fast isn't it?

Alhamdulillah after more than a month of struggle, tears, sweat, smile and laughters, we will step into another stage in August- congratulations to MBBS, Batch 2006... we've made it this far, let's continue our dreams tirelessly.

"A dear friend once said to me, “If you’re successful in the past, it does not mean that you are a successful person today. Your success in the past is history; if you want to succeed now, then YOU have to work hard now.” My friends, the principle is the same, if you think you are not successful enough today, that does not mean that tomorrow will be the same.

I’m sure a lot of us have heard that when we stumble, it is how fast can we pick ourselves up that matters the most...
Do not wait for someone to pick you up;
Do not look back and think “If only”...
Just look forward and take the first step, insyaAllah that is the first step to success."

That night, after the results were announced, we had a small kenduri kesyukuran at Prof. Hamdan's house... Perhaps, this is yet another small tradition of us in CUCMS.

Congrats, everyone! Looking forward to work with you guys in clinical years!