Guilt

Chatting with my beloved cousin last night, we came to a conclusion. For a while, I thought I was very, very selfish. And with a sad heart, my mind was working what excuses to give. This would crush her. Unable to sleep, I read lecture notes and overwhealmed myself with the new names under the class of fungi.

Even that didn't take my mind of what I have to break to her the next morning. I hate to break bad news.

At last at 4.40 a.m., I fell onto the bed and was able to sleep soundly. But even in my sleep, I was having a bad dream about breaking the news. Worse, because of trying to find excuses for the news to her, I completely forgot about the trip to Fremantle Prison... Waking up with a start, I looked at my handphone- 7.06 a.m.

When she came into the library, to where I purposely sit so that she could see me easily, I whispered; 'I need to tell you something' And she nodded, sitting next to me.

Damn... I hate breaking bad news.

When I finished, she nodded and said she understood. For a moment, I thought I saw a flash of hurt or maybe dissapointment on her face. I was glad that she took the news calmly; in fact I was surprised for I didn't even blurt out every excuses and reasons of the news, and yet she understood.

And there's nothing else I feel except...

GUILT

I just hope everything doesn't change after this...